Crestfallen at my own personal sadness. Gosh, I could almost see myself in that house. And, it's not Willow's fault she's so damned protective of me. I've been through a lot- "more than a body should bear," as my colleague said. I really wanted to live in that sublime place. It's so overwhelming to live in a space where noise reverberates up your walls and your mind pounds all night to music- angry music. It had a view of the surrounding farms with light, space and openness- with a landlord who creates art. I love to create art. Just sad.
Tears just flow tonight. And, come to think of it, they flow around April 16th every year. I don't know if the events today and last Friday are linked psychically to that event now 6 years past, but it sure feels that way sometimes. When did people get so entitled to take their rage out on others? Is it because we rarely allow ourselves to really feel things? Because we're too cool, too un-bothered, too sophisticated to feel legitimate emotions. Maybe I have no idea. But, as a witness to so much pain and suffering, I have to say it's a big part of it.
That's what expression is for- for releasing how you feel about things in a constructive way. I just wish the anger would burn away, because underneath it, I think people are just scared. Scared of being normal and imperfect.
Going to the woods and listening to the stream burble by or the wind blowing soothe me. I know Willow is happier out in the woods. Certainly she wasn't happier meeting the other dog today at the busy PetSmart in town. Yeah, she's not THAT dog- she's the other dog. Protective of me, tough because that's just how she is and honestly, sweet. Her element, like mine, is outside. Maybe that's what so many people are missing- a connection to Nature. Nature who soothes, heals and nurtures.