I struggle to make sense of the violence experienced in the halls and around Sandy Hook Elementary School. Pain and sorrow grip my heart again and again. Having been forever changed by the tragedy that was my school, VT, the enormity of this horror hits me directly in my soul. So much about this massacre roils my stomach, sends my head spinning and tears at my heart. And, I don't watch the television- no news at all, only FB. I cannot take it all in, not because of indifference, but because of how it actually hurts.
I left VT and my studies due to domestic violence and the abject poverty it sent me spinning in to. I also landed a job working with children again at around the same time as all of that was happening. And, I was thrilled to be around children throughout my days. This is where my heart lies. Not only in books, art, yoga and all of those lovely things; but with children. The loss of those bright lives in Sandy Hook and the images I have in my mind of what that must have been like are too awful to dwell upon. Children- I shake my head with grief at the losses and my whole body is engulfed in sadness.
Tomorrow, the day will bring questions from the children with whom I work. They will want to know more or they will know more than I am able to bear, (about the gun, the shooter and more). And, I will say how I bore witness in my own community at VT and how it has changed the woman before you. That, it was and is a tragedy worth asking questions about, a horror to never be repeated, a grief shared with all of us, and I will teach them how to hold those children and their teachers in their hearts with love. Knowing what I now know, this is how to give something of meaning while fraught with soullessness in the world~ to bring back love in how we talk about horror. It beats back the fear and it is what we have in all of this.
Saturday, December 1, 2012
Creating this space armed with unearthed information regarding my HSP nature brought me joy today. Awakening before planned, the flitting about, creating, moving, dusting and futzing began. Oh wow, I wasn't sure futzing was a word! I totally expected a red underline telling me, duh you can't spell, but no..., interesting. Anyhow, this went on for hours all to Willow's chagrin as Saturday mornings are usually "her" time. Sorry, lovable pup, it was all about this space and culling through old Christmas ornaments and such to decide which my heart had to have and which were ready to travel on. Ever since the journey of HSP began for me, this culling has had to happen each weekend. It truly brings bliss to my soul to have soothing and warm spaces.
Only now am I realizing I didn't document the other side of my bed. I will plan to share the other side next time. And, this is during the day, at night there are little LED snowflakes as my headboard- yippee!! A night time "shoot" is planned for sure.
So, details, the print on the white chair is from Misty Mawn, she gifted me with this amazing original last Christmas and it is treasured every day. The picture on the wall is one purchased at a New Age shop in Boone, NC and it just soothes me- the image is of a person meditating into bliss. The frame is one I used for an art show I had in 2010 at the Jacksonville Arts Center. I was honored to have my work shown with other new artists that summer. A fancy fluttery shutter dress was worn for the occasion too. Ah, it was wonderful to be at an "opening." Giddy experience, truly.
Sabrina Ward Harrison work. A piece of fun, lightness and color- it is beloved. The link I found highlights her colorful and creative home in Silver Lake- she weaves her artistic soul in to the entire space. The iridescence fairy was one my mother bought me when we lived in New Bern, N.C. Admiring the little gem as we walked by a shop in the downtown area, I sighed about the price and quickly forgot about it. Only to receive it as a surprise days later. Mom was special that way. The sticks, feathers, bird's nest (it's a full mud nest), candles and other items on the top were all collected on walks nearby except for the sea glass found up in Plattsburgh, NY when visiting my dear friends, George and Stephen. The books are all ones I love too- not all have been read- that's how I roll. I just have to have some of these near me I find. The glass star is filled with crystals and gemstones with intuitive cards nearby. The funky mug in the upper right hand corner has been with me for several years- it was made by an artisan of Floyd, VA- love Floyd!
Oh gosh, I have to shower and get a move on... dawdling, futzing Saturday- goodness!! More to come later- thanks for stopping by! And, I wonder, do you have these futz-y/renovating days?